A Poem By Marguerite?

A steady handprint assures a shaky awakening


Nurtures and channels a new-born quickening


The indelible signature heartens a springing courage


The fledgling composes an imaginative personage





A calm excitement ensues and expresses new delight


Treasures held dear, yet rushing, accelerating others insight


Barriers overcome, flooding a passage through a broken dam


Find uncompromising expression in truth, reality, and idealism





With thankfulness I humbly devote a recent discovery


A love of words and rhyme, a message of delivery


To those who listen with hearts opening and engrossed


The thoughts of this transformed dreamer who once was lost

A Poem By Marguerite?
Hi Marguerite...





First thing to say is this is one of the best attempts I have seen on this site so far. Why? Because you thought about both the peom and the reader. The others who post here with there whining 'Oh why Dad, why Mom, why must I bleed in this empty world?' bullsh*t just have no idea of either form nor the reader.





All of that said (and you know I study Literature for my living and have done for 25 years), your work does tend to read more like an example of something you hope we will find it to be, rather than a real poem itself.





Most of all you must consider the structured form of your poems more Marguerite. In your first line it (half) looks like you have tried to use the anapaest form. Byron does it like this:





The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold


And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold


And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea


When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.





Now, that's Byron and you don't get much of him to the dollar. But count the syllables Marguerite...count them. Oooh? Eh? That's why it works. That's why it is a poem. That's why Byron was/is great.





However, in your second line, you seem to try to switch to the dactyl form. John Lennon does it like this:


Picture your self in a boat on a river with


tangerine tree-ees and marmalade skii-ii-es. (Emphasis added)





Do you see what is happening here? Anapaest/Byron is a long word with short syllables (A-ssy-ri-an) + short words/ syllables (fold, gold).





Dactyl/Lennon is short words/syllables (pi-cture your self...mar-ma-lade)+ 1 long syllable (treeeeees, skiiiiies).





These two forms when placed side by side contradict each other...the sound has no flowing rhythm. You have contradicted forms too Marguerite...that's why it does not work as well as it should.





I use these to show you that your phrases MUST have a meter At the moment this one does not (but your lovely little poem about that cat and the feathers did, that's why it worked). Work on your meter please.





Keep 'em coming! :-)





My best wishes to you dear.





Your friend, Jim
Reply:I loved it that was great!
Reply:This is one that I'm going to have to give more thought to.I'm mainly fixatiting on your first line at present. You put some thought-provoking ideas in your work. It's very nice.
Reply:It reminds of another poem,


Ani ohvet otcha,


Ani ohvet otcha,


Ani ohvet otcha,


Ramesh1938
Reply:This is excellent. The first line threw me because a hand print is a stationary thing...but I got over it quickly and zipped through the rest. You put a little touch of soul on paper this time. I will watch for more.
Reply:Marguerite - Such a beautiful birth. Creation is a wonderful and rewarding gift.





I enjoyed your play of words in the expression and you carried me all the way through without hesitation.





My favorite lines are:


"To those who listen with hearts opening and engrossed


The thoughts of this transformed dreamer who once was lost"





Well Put!

dermatitis